


Crack Paradox

by CatrinaSL



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Actually crack, Amnesia, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Have I mentioned Crack?, Lingerie, Magic, Really a Lot of Crack, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, Space Aquatic Animal of Some Kind, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey, magic vagina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 14:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12985905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: Howard's all set to spend another night working in the lab. Untilshearrives.





	Crack Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> Do not read this at work. It is not safe for there. Not safe at all.

He'd been working. Feverishly. For hours. He knew he was getting close, but it also felt like he was somehow getting further away.

He let out a long sigh and looked at his lab bench. He was ready to admit that he wasn't entirely sure what he was working on.

And then he heard it: the click of a high heel as she entered the lab behind him.

He turned and saw her standing there, wearing the heels, a long coat, and the smile he knew so well.

But— _did_ he know it? It seemed familiar, somehow, but at the same time he was _sure_ he would have remembered _her_ : the tilt of her hips, the smirk of her red lips, the curl of her hair around her shoulders, and the quirk of her brow.

"Howard," she said, by way of a greeting.

He ran his eyes over her again before asking, "Do I know you?"

"Maybe you do," she replied, pulling her hands out of the pockets of the coat.

"You maybe wanna help me out a little?" he asked. "I'm not so good with names."

He had a split second to notice that she wasn't wearing the Stark Special—the diamond tennis bracelet he gifted to many of his... lady friends... before she was pulling at the belt that held the coat shut and he had something much more interesting on which to feast his eyes.

"You know mine," she assured him.

Howard opened his mouth to say something smooth, anything that might make her come closer. He was struck dumb when she stalked forward and pressed her bustier-clad form against him.

"Don't speak," she told him, "until you're saying my name."

He kissed her back, eagerly, when she laid her lips on his, and slipped his arms around her, turning her to crowd her back against the lab bench.

"Mmn," she hummed, shaking her hair back. "So that's how it's gonna be, huh?"

He nodded, taking the opportunity to kiss his way down her throat to her breasts.

"Howard—" she gasped, as though she'd said it a thousand times before. She speared her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck and curled them, tugging on his hair as he nipped and sucked. "God, I want you so bad. You have no idea how arousing it is walking down the street in a getup like this."

Howard was pretty sure he did know; if it was anything like having a strange but familiar woman walk into your lab wearing a getup like that.

"How do you want me?" she asked. "On the bench, or...?"

He smiled, still obeying her order not to talk, since he still couldn't place her.

She smirked back, pushing at his chest. " _I_ know what you want," she assured him, and bent over, her elbows on the bench, and looked at him over her shoulder. "Well?" she asked. "Everything you hoped?"

Howard nodded, running his hand over the curve of her ass as he stepped closer.

She swore as she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "Don't _tease_ me tonight, Howard," she commanded. " _I need you_."

He had no intention to do any teasing, and proved it by reaching between her legs and stroking his fingers through her slick folds.

The _noise_ she made—it helped Howard realize what he had been working on: anything and everything to keep him occupied until she arrived.

"Oh, _Howard_ ," she moaned, as his fingertips found her clit. "Fuck, oh, _please_ don't stop!"

Howard didn't. He gripped her hip with one hand and pleasured her with the other until her cries were surely making the neighbors envious.

Finally when her legs were shaking and her begging became breathy, he kicked off his pants, rolled on a condom, and slid inside her.

"Howard..." she whispered, when he was fully seated.

"Darcy," he groaned, and then began to move.

She scrabbled for something to hang onto as he picked up the pace, grinding out, " _Howard_ —fuck!" when she came, fluttering around him as he thrust into her at a steady pace.

It reminded him of the second time they'd fucked, when she sneaked him out of the lab and into her small apartment. They hadn't even made it to the bed; he'd taken her from behind in the living room. Later, they joked about doing it doggy style in the lab, just like this, with the high heels and the lingerie... it had always been one of Howard's fantasies, but not every girl was into the science thing, and it didn't matter anyway since it seemed like they were getting nowhere on the whole 'sending him back to his own time' project.

But now here she was, in his lab, his cock hitting her g spot every time he fucked into her, and she was wearing the exact color they'd daydreamed about.

"Harder," Darcy begged, in that tone that always meant he could get her again if only he held out a little longer.

His thrusts became quicker, harder, deeper, and he circled her clit with two fingers until she began to moan, that low moan she had only ever done once or twice before, but the outcome had been good each time.

Darcy pushed her hips back against his, and Howard left off her clit in favor of grabbing her by the hips with both hands, the better to slam into her.

"Yes," Darcy growled out, and twenty seconds later, they were both coming—Howard harder than he ever had in his life, even counting the time she'd sucked him off in the supply closet with half the Avengers standing none the wiser outside the door.

Howard pulled out of her and leaned against the lab bench. Darcy pulled herself upright and leaned on _him_ , swirling her tongue around his when she kissed him.

"So you remember now," she panted.

"Yeah, I—" he began. "I remember _you_ , but not..." He frowned. Something was wrong. "How did you get here?"

"Space whale," she replied nonchalantly, then frowned, herself. "Or maybe it was a space hippo. I'm not really sure, actually. Space large aquatic animal of some kind. You got home okay, I ended up there, but everything's fine because now here we are."

"Right," Howard agreed, even though he wasn't sure he did. "But how did you get _here_."

"Oh, _here_ here?" she asked, indicating her attire. "Found Peggy, borrowed the cash. I told her if things went the way they were supposed to, not only would she have the money back, but she'd forget I ever existed, which I guess I don't, yet, so that makes sense."

"I remember you, but not everything. How... what—?"

* * *

Howard woke with his face smushed into Darcy's abdomen. It was on par with the time he'd woken with his head between her legs (if slightly less sticky). He smoothed his hand over her thigh, bringing it to rest under her knee.

Darcy hummed sleepily and rolled onto her side, dislodging Howard and giggling when he turned his face up to nip at the underside of her breasts.

"Stop," she yawned, swatting at him in vain.

He smirked up at her and then nestled his face in against her navel. "You sure you mean that?" he asked with a grin.

Darcy was silent for a beat and a half, then said, "Well, okay, I guess you can—"

Howard didn't wait for more. Instead, he kissed his way down to her hip and then across to the other, lingering in the middle to tease her without going for the spot she knew he would eventually end up.

"Howard," Darcy scolded. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and shoved his face right where she wanted it it, like she always did.

He laughed, and obliged her, like he always did.

Darcy let out a needy whine and thrust her hips toward him, and he licked one wide stripe up her lips to her clit and then settled in on his elbows to take his time.

They had the whole morning, after all. He was glad he didn't have to rush—it wasn't like that time that he had sucked on her clit for five minutes on the couch in the lab, just before Tony was due to—

Howard sat up, and Darcy gasped at the loss.

"Tony," he said.

"Shit," Darcy replied. " _That's_ a buzzkill."

"I have a kid," Howard told her. He frowned. "And he sort of hates me?"

She sighed. "Okay, look—" She shoved his face back between her legs.

Howard shrugged—while he agreed that mid-cunnilingus wasn't the best time to be having a conversation about his kid, he'd just remembered he had one. Darcy was usually more understanding than this. He gave her another wide swipe with his tongue and she let out a sexy little moan, but at the same moment, he got another flash of misplaced memory.

Tony had invited him up for dinner three days before and the two of them had talked. Tony had gotten the chance to say all the things he wished he'd said to Howard before he... died.

Howard paused, setting his cheek on Darcy's thigh. He had a kid, and he was going to die. In the future.

In the future, where Darcy was from.

"You okay down there?" she asked, carding her fingers through his hair.

He frowned up at her, and asked again, "How did you _get_ here?"

She sighed. "You don't remember pulling me through with you, do you?"

Howard shook his head, planting a kiss on her clit and crawling up her body to spoon up against her.

"I didn't say you could stop," Darcy said, and Howard laughed.

"I just... thought we should talk? Which is never something I say in bed—"

"I know," Darcy interrupted with a grin. "So you want the quick version so you can get back down there and take your time about it? Last time you ate me out, we—"

Howard cut her off with a kiss, but there were no sudden revelations, no unearthed information from deep within his mind. "Believe me, it's on the agenda. How come I only remember things sometimes but not other times?"

"Oh," Darcy said, turning to face him and propping her head up on her hand. "I'm pretty sure my vagina's magical."

Howard closed his eyes and his brow furrowed. "All right," he allowed. "You're my girlfriend from the future and you have a magic pussy. I guess I can work with that. But how—"

"Right," Darcy interrupted again. She liked doing that. Especially if the shortcut in the conversation led more quickly to post-conversation sex. "You showed up in the present, no idea how (I'm thinking the space whale but I'm no science type), we all worked like crazy to find a way to send you back, cue fornication, but then they did find a way to send you back, but something went wrong while we were saying goodbye. It went off early."

"That's never happened to _me_ before," Howard began modestly.

"Yeah, yeah, brag about your stamina later," Darcy griped, winking at him.

"It's not—"

"'—bragging if it's true.' _I_ know. So anyway, space whale. Or maybe it was a space platypus, but just, like, giant?"

"If it was in space, I don't see why it couldn't be a giant platypus," Howard put in. "After all, you have magic vagina."

"Exactly!" Darcy declared. "So since you went through early, you were still hugging me goodbye, and I got pulled through with you. You got sent back to your lab where you're supposed to be, but I got a face full of space otter. Or whatever. I was screaming because it was like, 'I'm going to eat you!' and I was like, 'nooo, send me back!' and it was like, 'I'm too busy for shit like that, here, have a magic vagina!'"

Howard spared half a second to wonder if one or both of them was experiencing some kind of spatial anomaly sickness, but he was alive and Darcy was in his arms, so he decided not to look a gift space crocodile in the mouth.

He sighed and let his mind slide from sex and impossibilities to things he could science. "My amnesia was likely due to the temporal displacement I experienced; I'm not actually sure how long I've been back, or how long I was gone, if any time at all. I guess we'll have to go back to the lab so I can—" Howard choked on the rest of his words when Darcy paused his science plans by dancing her fingers down his half-hard dick, caressing his balls, and stroking one fingertip along his perineum.

"On second thought, you could just stay," he squeaked out, as she wrapped her fingers around his rapidly-hardening length and began to stroke.

She shook her head. "Can't do it. If I stay, then you won't want to leave the bedroom, much less find a suitable wife to have a ridiculously sassy kid with. Which would mean that he wouldn't have been there to make you an omelette and tell you he loves you when you zapped yourself into the future. Actually, I wouldn't have been there either, because Tony's the one who begged Jane to come be one of his science bros, so then I wouldn't be here now, so... yeah. Crack paradox."

"As much as I don't want you to stop, I don't see how this gets you home," Howard said, nodding at where she was still working him over.

"Stop thinking science and start thinking magic vagina," she told him, releasing him and shoving him onto his back before climbing on top of him and grinding her hips.

"Magic vagina," Howard repeated, making a noise of appreciation as she rubbed her slickness against him.

"I'm pretty sure you'll forget me again once I go back where I belong," Darcy said, her eyes fluttering shut as Howard cupped her breasts, rubbing both of her nipples with his thumbs. "Fuck me, Howard. Fuck me home again."

"Darcy—" he objected, as she angled her hips and sank down onto his dick.

"What?" she said. "I'm a cowgirl; I might as well ride bareback."

"That's not what I—" Howard began, breaking off with a moan when Darcy bounced in his lap; she felt _amazing_.

"Did you already forget the whole 'magic vagina' thing?" she giggled.

"But I fucked you last night," he managed to say as she encouraged him with sexy little gasps to thrust up into her. "What's different now?"

Darcy smirked, her hair curling around her shoulders as she looked down at him. "Absolutely nothing."

* * *

"Jarvis, was I, uh—did I have a lady friend over last night?" Howard asked, scratching his head as he wandered from the lab to the kitchen in his bathrobe.

"I find I sleep better at night if I don't know those sorts of things, Mr. Stark," his butler replied.

"Fair enough," Howard agreed, "but will you double check the locks on the doors tonight, just in case?"

"What for, sir? Jarvis asked.

"You might sleep better at night if you do," Howard told him, then retreated back to the lab and eyed the pair of red pumps on the bench. He had no idea where they had come from.

But he wished he did.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to write any more of this. I got to a nice if slightly sad ending point, and I like it where it is. The end. And friends, "where's the rest"/"i demand more" style comments are a complete inspiration killer for me. Please just don't with that. Writing Darcy/Person in the Past is fun, but time travel leads to angst, and I don't like angst. (If you do, go read [Dazzling Lights](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6652219).) Instead, please leave a comment with, "thanks for sharing this!" or "this is delightfully cracky!" or "SPACE KOMODO DRAGON?!?? WHAT." Thanks for your support!
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/168435207288/crack-paradox)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


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